


The weight of being the Guardian (slow updates due to excess of work)

by MiraculousLBfangirl (fdmflavia)



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Identity Reveal, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Marinette is having a hard time, Post Miracle Queen, miraculous guardian, supportive wayzz
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2020-12-21 05:56:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21069998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fdmflavia/pseuds/MiraculousLBfangirl
Summary: After receiving the miraculous box to take care of, Marinette discovers that she has to know Chat Noir's identity.She still has to deal with the heartbreak that came from Adrien's relationship with Kagami.How is she supposed to handle the knowledge that Adrien is Chat Noir?





	1. The announcement

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how long this story will be. I have a short story in mind, about 2 or 3 chapters, but it can get bigger. I just don't know. It has potential if I have the inspiration.
> 
> "Complications" (my most famous work) was supposed to be a one-shot and turn out with 8 chapters and 12+k words. So, who knows where this might go?
> 
> This work is being translated to:  
Russian by Anonim225 on [ficbook](https://ficbook.net/readfic/9063289)  
Portuguese by MiraculousLBfangirl on [Wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/843133501-o-peso-de-ser-um-guardi%C3%A3o-cap%C3%ADtulo-1-o-an%C3%BAncio)

It had been two weeks. Two weeks that her world was turned upside down. 

Master Fu left and the responsibility of being the Miraculous Guardian had been slowly sinking in. The first thing she had to do was find a safe place for the egg-shaped box that wouldn’t draw attention. So she created a trap-box similar to her diary’s in a different shape as a piece of her decoration. 

By far, no one had suspected anything. 

Adrien had been getting closer to Kagami with each passing day and even though they hadn’t made their relationship official yet, Marinette knew they were more than friends now. She doubted that it would ever stop hurting seeing them together.

Luka was an angel to her, sticking by her side even when she told him that they should stay as friends, that she didn’t want a romantic relationship for now. He understood that her feelings for Adrien wouldn’t just go away because he was with someone else, so Luka didn’t push her. He treasured their friendship and respected her feelings.

That, however, wasn’t the only reason Marinette had wanted to remain just friends with Luka. They had had a friend date interrupted by an akuma attack and it took her way too long to be able to escape. She realized that dating someone could be a lot more complicated than she’d expected. Especially now that she was the Guardian. She couldn’t take risks. 

Master Fu’s and Marianne’s love story wasn’t what Marinette wanted for herself. She didn’t want to put anyone’s life in danger. Perhaps she was destined to be alone forever.

Marinette sighed dejectedly nursing the mug of cold tea. It had been steaming when she sat on her deck chair to appreciate the sunset, however, the moment she brought the mug to her lips she couldn’t avoid the tears that escaped her eyes. She missed Fu so much. Tea just made her heart bleed as it brought memories of their conversations.

He had prepared her, given her pieces of advice here and there, asking her help to decipher the Miraculous Book, telling her almost everything she needed to know about the Miraculouses. Almost, not everything. She didn’t feel prepared. It was a shock when he gave her the title of Guardian in front of everyone. She knew it was the only option, of course. Her Lucky Charm had said so. But it hurt.

She had never expected Fu to lose his memory and leave her alone in this. Well, except for Wayzz, she had kept him for guidance. He was the closest to Master Fu she could get and he had given her precious bits of advice so far. And Chat, but she still had to figure out how their partnership would work from now on.

The fact that Hawkmoth knew that Ladubug was the new Guardian and all the other Miraculous holders’ identities, save for Chat Noir’s and hers was overwhelming. Keeping her identity a secret took new proportions. 

“Marinette, Wayzz wants to talk to you,” Tikki said landing on her chosen’s knees taking her out of her musings. 

“Send him up here, please.” Marinette said, a sad smile gracing her face.

“Master” Marinette smiled, the kwami treated her with so much respect, but she could see that calling her that was hurting him.

“You don’t need to call me that, just Marinette is fine.” Wayzz visibly relaxed at her words.

“I think it’s time for you to fully take the Guardian’s spot.”

Marinette shifted in her seat “What do you mean? I thought that I had to get the ropes of it as I go. I mean, Master Fu taught me what I needed right?” Her tired mind started to panic. What if she wasn’t enough? Would she have to move out of her house and hide from the world to keep the miraculous safe?

“Calm down, it’s nothing major. In fact, it’s just a detail that I didn’t want to mention until the things had settled down.”

“Fine, what is it then?” 

“Now that you are the Guardian, you have to be aware of all the miraculous holder’s identity.” Wayzz paused waiting for her to register the information.

“You mean that I need to know Chat Noir’s identity?” she asked perplexed, Wayzz nodded. “I didn’t think about that.” Marinette rose up unable to keep still. 

“Your identity must remain a secret, though. No one can know who you are. You must find a way for him to contact you should it be needed,” Wayzz added.

“I’ll think of something.”


	2. A heavy blow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chat's mask falls. Ladybug freaks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so many subscriptions and some comments that left me wondering if I'll be able to live up to your expectations. 
> 
> I hope I don't disappoint you too much.

Marinette transformed and sent Chat Noir a message not expecting him to call her right away.

“Hey Ladybug, I didn’t see any akuma while on patrol. What’s up?” Chat said as soon as Ladybug picked the call.

No 'My Lady'. He hadn’t used romantic nicknames for her since Miracle Queen and she still hadn’t found it in herself to ask why. 

“I had no idea you were patrolling. Anyway, I need to see you in person. Can you meet me at the Eiffel Tower?” She tried to keep a neutral tone in her voice to not worry him.

“I’ll beat you to it.” He ended the call. At least he was the same playful dork she knew. That hasn’t changed.

When Ladybug arrived he was already there with a smug smile. “You cheated,” she said in mock accusation.

“You’re a sore loser, Ladybug.” Chat poked her arm grinning.

The lack of nickname didn’t go unnoticed and Ladybug decided to take advantage of the playful atmosphere to ask.

“Not My Lady or Bugaboo, I see.” She kept a smile on her face pretending she didn’t mind the change. 

Chat Noir sat on the edge of the tower swinging his legs. “There’s a girl I’m going out with.”

“This better not be another…” Ladybug started saying, feeling a lump forming in her throat.

“No.” He interrupted her. “It’s the truth. We’re not quite dating yet but it just doesn’t feel right to flirt with you when I’m involved with another person.” He looked at the city below avoiding her gaze. 

“Oh! I’m happy for you.” She said not as cheerfully as when he tried to make her jealous. She didn't know if it was to don't make him upset or for the sudden emptiness in her chest. She couldn't understand the feeling, or maybe she could. She had let go of Adrien and Luka, and now Chat Noir was slipping through her fingers which she had only herself to blame.

“I know you are.” He smiled bitterly but frowned when he saw her face. “You don’t look fine. What did you need to talk to me?” He patted the spot beside him for her to sit.

Ladybug sat with her legs crossed in front of her facing him. He copied her. 

“You know I’m the Guardian now.” She started tentatively. 

“Yes, Master, I’m at your service.” He half bowed exaggerating his moves making her laugh. Let it to him to light up the mood. 

Ladybug took a deep breath bracing herself for his reaction “As the Guardian I have to know who the miraculous holders are.” She saw his face lit up and rushed to clarify. 

“However my identity must remain a secret.” He deflated a little closing himself in thought but didn’t get mad as she had expected. 

“Well, I have to admit that I expected for us to reveal our identities together and I’m kinda disappointed. But I don’t think it would do me any good to know your identity now that I’m finally moving on from you. And I understand your reasons.” He said after a while.

“You do?” she couldn’t hide her relief but chose to ignore his comment about moving on. 

“Of course I do. You’re not only the Guardian but also Ladybug. I’ve been thinking about it. It’s a big responsibility you have in your hands. I wish I could help you so you wouldn’t have to shoulder it all by yourself, but I don’t know how.” 

Ladybug threw herself into his arms, he hugged her back awkwardly. “Sorry, I’m just too happy. Your support means a lot to me.” She tried to get away when she remembered his not-yet-girlfriend but he embraced her for real. 

“I’ll always support you, no matter what. I was just taken aback, that’s all.” 

“It has been a rough couple of weeks.” She murmured into his chest as he rubbed her back. She had to pull back eventually. “Wayzz told me just minutes before I called you that I had to know your identity so I don’t have anything planned. I will need your name, I guess that also your address and phone number and of course know how you look like under this mask.” She touched his face. “I still have to find a way for you to contact me that doesn’t give away my identity.”

“I’ll detransform so you can see my pretty face, just be careful to not swoon” he winked earning a light punch on his shoulder “I’ll give you my phone number too, the rest you’ll know.” He shrugged.

Ladybug narrowed her eyes wondering how she would know his name but had to close them when he whispered his detransformation phrase. Then she freaked out. 

“Adrien!” she said in a high pitched voice that caused Adrien to flinch.

“This is hilarious” Plagg sniggered taking Ladybug out of her shocked state.

“Are you ok, Ladybug?” That angelic face, the face of the guy she loved so much that she had turned Chat Noir down for, asked her. No, she wasn’t ok. 

“Stay right here, I need a moment.” He looked at her confused but didn’t say anything as he watched her climb to the top of the tower.

Once there she started to pace and talk to herself controlling her voice to stay as low as possible.

“I can’t believe it had been him all along and I turned him down. The girl he loves is me, not Kagami.” She paused. “No, he doesn’t love me. He loves Ladybug. If he loved me, he wouldn’t have chosen Kagami.” She fell to her knees. “But I basically pushed him to her and she didn’t waste her opportunity.” She groaned.

Her mind was screaming at her. All their interactions on both sides of their masks flashing through her mind at a speed that was making her dizzy. When he had told her he loved someone she thought it was Kagami, it was logical since he had asked her help before with Kagami and treated her with so much tenderness. He had never treated her like that. To him, Marinette was just a friend, a really good friend that he liked to talk with, but nothing more than that. Would he have seen her differently if she had told him about her feelings or would he have rejected her the same way he did as Chat Noir? He hadn’t rejected Kagami, though.

There were too many questions, too many what-ifs. But there was a certainty; she couldn’t change what was done. She couldn’t go back in time and change everything. Technically she had the power to do so, but it was selfish and wrong. She was the Guardian and the miraculous had to be used for the greater good not to solve her problems. 

Perhaps it was for the best. Her relationship with Adrien would be doomed from the beginning because of the secrets between them. The Miraculous Box felt even heavier now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think about this story so far.


	3. A much needed conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug has to explain her freak out and deal with subjects that can't be avoided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while to update. I got busier at my job and a bit of author's block. 
> 
> Chat Blanc messed with my mind.

As Ladybug stood to climb down the tower, answers for questions she had tried so hard not to ask invaded her mind. “It was our love that did this to the world, My Lady”, Chat Blanc had said. It was enough proof that they couldn’t be together. 

For the little she could gather from when Chat was akumatized they had been together, knew each other’s identities and everything went downhill from there. She shook her head trying to get rid of those thoughts. It was dangerous territory and she had no time to dwell on that now. Not when her head was starting to hurt with so much information and she needed to go back to Adrien. 

Ladybug watched him for a moment. Adrien was looking over the horizon, his hands resting on the railing of the tower, fingers drumming; Plagg sat on his shoulder comfortingly. The kwami must have alerted Adrien of her presence because her partner turned his head to look at her, his eyes expectant. 

It didn’t matter how hurt she was, she had to remind herself that she had hurt him too. How many times had she rejected him? Chat Noir was her partner and it was her responsibility now to keep a healthy partnership with him. She couldn’t ask the questions that were swirling in her mind without revealing too much, though. There would be time for that.

“So…” he said shoving his hands in his pockets seemingly not knowing what to do with them. “You kinda freaked out…,” he trailed off shrinking on himself. 

Ladybug knew she had to do something, so she did the only thing that seemed to always ease the mood for them. She joked.

“It’s not every day that your partner turns out to be a supermodel. Guess that’s why you were worried I would swoon.” She winked, praying that her joke didn’t come out as awkward as it normally would when she joked as Marinette. She had not expected the light blush that covered his cheeks. 

“Oh…I…” 

Ladybug decided that it wasn’t the moment to tease him, even if she wanted nothing more than to pay him back for all those times she had blushed madly when talking to him.

“I’m just kidding.” She noticed gratefully that just that small joke managed to relax Adrien a bit, even if he seemed a bit embarrassed. “But seriously, I expected to find someone that I had never seen, not a boy I saved countless times.”

“I’m guessing I’ve never saved your civilian form then,” Adrien mused.

“Oh… you got me there.” She chuckled.

“Really? How was that?” He asked like the curious cat he was.

“You know I can’t give you details, right?” 

“Yeah, it’s just. Wow, I saved you and didn’t recognize you. I mean, you didn’t recognize me either, but my features change a little.”

“It’s magic. Now, let’s sit. We have important things to discuss.” She said already returning to the position she was when he dropped his transformation, eager to change the subject. He followed suit. 

“Ok. So we need to find a way for me to contact you. How about a second sim card for your phone?” He offered.

“I have no idea if my phone has a second slot for that.” He raised an eyebrow. “It’s not something important to me, ok?” She added. “And actually, I don’t think it would be a good idea. I could mess up and message you from my civilian number. It would be a disaster.” 

She was sure that would happen. She would have to pay a lot of attention to the number he was contacting. What if he called Ladybug when Alya was around? Nosy as Alya was, she would keep her ears on the conversation. Nope. Too dangerous. 

“Right. That could happen. Especially when in a hurry. A second phone?” He asked tentatively.

“Well, not easy to explain why I would need a second phone to my friends. Hummmm, how about one of those apps that you can message without a telephone number? I’d use it only to message you, so it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“Great idea. We can create the accounts and exchange usernames next patrol.” 

“Sounds good. Now, the rules for using them.” 

“Yeah. Of course, the rules. Go ahead,” he said coldly.

“I usually sought Master Fu when it was extremely necessary. Mostly when we needed help and I had to get a Miraculous. Since I have the miraculous box now, that’s not even the case. But something can come up and prevent you from transforming. It would be good to have a heads up and get some help beforehand.”

“The only times I haven’t shown up were the ones I was a target. I do my best to be there for you.” His voice had a hint of hurt.

“I know you do. I am actually surprised that you’re able to be a superhero with your busy schedule.” She touched his knee reassuringly. 

“That’s not an easy feat. Especially when I’m at an indoor photoshoot away from the attack but I manage.” He sniggered.

“Well, the thing is that now you have a girlfriend and you’ll find it difficult to get out of dates and things like that. Unless you want her to think you’re cheating.”

He bit his lip “Kagami is not my girlfriend. I said I’m going out with her, but I haven’t asked her yet. I can’t bring myself to. I still have hopes that you’d…” Adrien averted his gaze from her looking at the city “Maybe now that you know who I am you…” he lowered his gaze to his lap.

Suddenly Ladybug couldn’t breathe, her heart constricted in her ribcage. He still wanted her. If Chat Blanc hadn’t happened, she could just overlook the fact that it was Ladybug that he wanted and not Marinette. He would love Marinette once he knew she was his lady. Maybe that’s how they got together in that other timeline. Her stomach twisted unpleasantly, she felt nauseous. God, maybe he just loved Marinette because she was Ladybug and she would never know the truth.

“Adrien” she bit the inside of her cheek to not cry “nothing’s changed. My feelings haven’t changed.” That was true. Chat or not, she still loved him, even if he loved just one side of her.

Adrien sighed dejectedly “The other guy.” The other guy is you, she wanted to say. “I can’t compete, right?” He rose up abruptly and held onto the railing, his head low, no doubt holding back tears. 

Ladybug didn’t know what to do. How could he think he couldn’t compete? He was Adrien Agreste for God’s sake. She couldn’t say that, though. He didn’t like to use his model status and, above all, that was not why she loved him. She approached him reaching up to touch his shoulder but withdrew her hand at the last minute, settling to hold onto the railing as well.

“Never think of yourself as less than anyone else, Adrien.” She said firmly looking ahead and saw him turn his head to her from her peripheral vision. “I can’t be with you. Even if I loved you as you want me to, there would still be Hawkmoth. I can’t show you who I am. I don’t… I wouldn’t want you to love just half of me.” She turned to him. “Kagami is a good girl and I know she can make you happy if you give her a chance. You two have a lot of things in common, don’t you?”

“We do, but… Is it enough?” 

“I saw you two together and you seemed very fond of each other. Well, I’ve seen people date with far less than that. You’ll be happy Adrien, just be careful. She can't know who you are. And...” she flicked the lapel of his jacket “definitely don’t flirt with Ryuko. Adrien is not supposed to know who she is and she will not like that from Chat Noir.”

“Makes sense. Are you thinking of giving the miraculous back to her?” He asked with confusion.

“That is something that I will want you to help me decide. Hawkmoth knows the identities of all the other holders now. Whoever I give the miraculous to, he will know. And it’s not easy to find replacements. They were really good and I trusted them.”

“The ones I know were really good choices. It’ll be a shame if you can’t give the miraculous back to them.” 

“You still don’t know who Monkey King, Carapace and Rena are, right?” Adrien shook his head. “I don't see a problem of you knowing. They are Kim, Nino and Alya.” Ladybug giggled when his jaw dropped.

“You trust Alya? The girl that runs the Ladyblog?” He asked disbelievingly. “Wait, I know all of them. They’re really close to me.”

Ladybug started to panic inside. She needed an explanation that didn’t involve her own identity. “They were convenient at the time.” Not a lie. “Your school had most of the akumas, after all. And, as for Alya, I kept an eye on her and figured I could trust her. Your friends are g… wait, I gave you a miraculous.” Adrien winced as she pointed a finger to him “And you are Chat Noir. Why did you accept it?” She couldn’t believe that.

“Ah, you said you needed me, that I was the perfect guy for the mission. How could I refuse?” He turned his back to her lowering his head. “But I failed you. I wasn’t who you needed after all.” 

“Have you thought that you were exactly who I needed? That what was missing for the mission to succeed was Chat Noir?” Ladybug had to control the anger bubbling up inside her.

“In my defense, you said to Aspik that we would be fine without Chat Noir. That the two of us would be an awesome team.” Adrien shrugged.

“I said that?” 

“It kind of stung actually, but you trusted me. I’m sorry for disappointing you.” He looked so small like he expected her to lash out on him. At this point, she was angry at herself. How badly had she messed up that day?

“I’m not disappointed, Adrien. We both made mistakes.” She touched his shoulder and he turned to her. “What matters is that we won in the end. I just wish you hadn’t to go through all that.” Months, she remembered him saying.

“It was hard to see you disappear so many times. Guess it’s part of the job description.” Adrien took a deep breath. “Anything else to cover today? It’s getting a bit late and I have a photoshoot in the morning.” His voice betrayed how shaken he was.

Ladybug could only imagine how much that hurt him. It was obvious that he was avoiding the subject. She gave him the best smile she could muster “No. Just find the app, create your account and bring it next patrol.”

“Right.” He looked around searching for his kwami that nodded “Plagg, claws out.” 

“It will take some time to get used to this.” She giggled. 

“Why, does this mean that you’ll want to see my pretty face again?” Chat Noir said leaning into her personal space.

She pushed him by the nose. “I think I know why I didn’t figure you out.” It was striking how his behavior changed.

Chat Noir laughed “Good night, Ladybug.” 

“Good Night, Chat.” She watched him vault away with a two-finger salute. 

One of her hands came to caress the knuckles of the other where a kiss used to be deposited.


	4. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette acknowledges that her feelings interfere with her duties.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter seems a little rushed as did the last one but I don't think it's necessary to say what all of us already know.

When Ladybug detransformed Tikki shared a sad look with Wayzz who nodded and headed to their personal space, both knowing that Marinette needed some time alone to process everything. She would talk when she was ready.

Marinette was grateful that the next day was Saturday and she didn’t have school because she was sure that sleep wasn’t on her agenda, and also that she wouldn’t have to see Adrien on the next two days. 

She followed her nightly routine and settled in her bed facing the ceiling. Through the skylight, she could see the dark clouds covering the moon. As the first raindrops reached the glass she couldn’t hold back her tears. It was under the rain that she had fallen in love with him, and it was with the rain that she acknowledged how impossible that love was. 

Usually, when Marinette made a mistake she did everything within her reach to correct it and learn from it, but she tried not to think so hard about them. Now, she had to face the fact that her biggest mistakes, the ones with great consequences, involved Adrien, in one way or another.

Volpina was the first. Marinette had left her jealousy speak louder and earned an enemy, on both sides of her mask. Lila’s actions almost got her akumatized twice. A shiver went down Marinette’s body as she remembered the last time that happened. She knew that as Marinette it would still be the same, she couldn’t just ignore her lies. However, as Ladybug things could have been different. 

The events that led Marianne to get akumatized were also related to Adrien. If she hadn’t been so obsessed about his trip to England with Kagami, she wouldn’t have messed up and Hawkmoth wouldn’t have found out Master Fu’s name, nor his connexion with the woman he loved. It was also Adrien’s relationship with Kagami that led Ladybug to make the biggest mistake of all. Marinette had been trying to cope with the fact that it was her fault that Master Fu had to give up on the Guardian’s role, but tonight she couldn’t help the feeling of guilt. 

A sob escaped her as she curled up on herself. Tikki, that had kept an eye on her chosen, landed beside her head and nuzzled her cheek. “You need to calm down, Marinette or Hawkmoth can send an akuma to you.” 

Oh, right. She couldn’t even be human. Marinette sat up wiping the tears from her face, Tikki was just trying to help. “It’s just so unfair.” She whined. 

“We know, Marinette.” Wayzz said. “But Tikki is right, we can’t risk you getting akumatized. You should talk with us.” 

Marinette took some deep breaths to still herself. “I don’t deserve to be the Guardian. I mess up everything.” She dropped her gaze avoiding to look at the kwamis.

“Of course you deserve it. Master Fu had complete faith in you. You are the best miraculous holder that he had ever encountered, including himself.” Wayzz flew down to look Marinette in the eye. “You have no idea how special you are.”

“I made so many mistakes.” She sniffled.

“Everybody makes mistakes and you always fix yours,” Tikki reassured. “You are just confused. We knew you’d feel like that because of who Chat Noir is. That’s why we waited to tell you about the reveal.” 

“My worst mistakes always involved Adrien. My feelings for him clouded my judgments so many times. I put Master Fu at risk twice because I was jealous of Adrien with Kagami. Not to mention Volpina.” Marinette shifted uncomfortably on the bed struggling to keep her voice low to not wake up her parents. “I made a bad choice when I gave him the snake miraculous.”

“You didn’t know that he was Chat Noir.” Tikki intervened.

“No, but if I had followed my instincts instead of my heart I would have given Luka the miraculous from the start. And then there’s the fact that I told Adrien that we didn’t need Chat Noir.” She ran her hand over her face “How could I do that? God, he tried so hard to not disappoint me. I hurt him so badly.” Marinette brought her knees to her chest and buried her face in them.

“Everything turned out fine, didn’t it?” Tikki said patting Marinette’s head.

“It still hurts him. The look on his face when he mentioned seeing me disappear over and over again…" her voice faltered. "I know he doesn’t have a photoshoot tomorrow. He made up an excuse to leave because he didn’t want me to see how upset he was. I know how it feels seeing your partner disappear and he had to go through that thousands of times. I…” she trailed off not knowing what else to say. 

“Maybe you should talk to him about it.”

“Maybe…” Marinette lied down feeling numb. “And then, there’s Chat Blanc… I will never know what happened.”

“You should try to sleep. With a fresh mind, you’ll think clearer.” Marinette just nodded to Wayzz that went back to his little bed.

Tikki nestled on her chosen’s hair, which Marinette accepted gladly. The conversation with her little friends didn’t solve her problems but soothed her enough to let her exhaustion take her to a dreamless sleep.

In the morning Marinette decided that there was no point in dwelling on her past mistakes. If her feelings for Adrien had been interfering with her decisions, perhaps now that she had that knowledge and she had accepted that they couldn’t be together she would focus more on her duties and be the Guardian that Master Fu was so confident she would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. 
> 
> Maybe I'll write something with Adrien's point of view next. I'm still thinking about it. My focus is Marinette in this story, after all.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always welcomed.


	5. A peek into Adrien's mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When we have the need to know what the boy is thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out longer than I expected. But it's ok. It's probably the only time we're seeing Adrien's thoughts in this story.

Adrien wanted to smash his phone when his alarm went off. He had no idea how long he had slept, he just knew that it wasn’t much. After arriving at home he closed himself in the bathroom dismissing Plagg’s worries.

He had gone on patrol to try to sort out his feelings. His relationship with Kagami was becoming serious and she was getting impatient. She had given him an ultimatum before they parted ways in the afternoon. He wanted to move on, he really did. Ladybug had made it blatantly clear that she didn’t love him that way. However, he couldn’t help that nagging feeling that she could love him if she knew who he was under the mask. The times he interacted with her as Adrien and even as Aspik had fostered that feeling. 

When she told him that he had to reveal himself to her but wouldn’t be allowed to know her identity he was disappointed, but the thought of finally being able to prove his theory kept him from getting angry. His hopes had been crushed, though. Her reaction took him by surprise and he was at a loss for what to do or think. The way she motivated him to take things further with Kagami hurt, yet gave him the closure he needed. 

He was surprised to discover that all the other miraculous holders were his friends. The reason Ladybug gave him was plausible albeit suspicious. He decided that he would let that slide for the sake of his sanity. Then she had to mention his time as Aspik. 

It felt like ripping a barely cured wound. The sting of her saying that they didn’t need Chat Noir and the memories of those thousands of failures had haunted his nights for weeks. That had been his worst nightmare coming to life: being replaced, even if it was by himself, and losing her. He couldn’t stay close to her any longer or else she would see him cry. He made up an excuse and ran away, but not before he teased her to lessen her concern. 

Adrien managed to keep the tears at bay until the bathroom door had been closed. He spent hours there, sitting on the cold floor and trying to calm down enough to not attract an akuma. If there was one thing he didn’t need at the moment was to make Ladybug fight him. He had a feeling that he wouldn’t be an easy akuma to defeat. 

At some point he went to bed, being careful to not wake up Plagg. He stared at the ceiling for a long while and eventually fell asleep. 

Adrien splashed his face to get rid of the sleepiness. A look at the mirror and the necessity of makeup was evident. He could only hope that Nathalie wouldn’t notice the redness in his eyes when he went downstairs for breakfast. 

The night had been rough but he felt relieved. He had no idea of how much keeping all those feelings bottled up had weighed him down until now. There was also the fact that he finally felt ready to move on from Ladybug.

“Are you feeling better, kid?” Plagg asked as soon as Adrien left the bathroom. The mask of perfection already in place, yet Plagg knew better.

“Yeah, but I’m worried about Ladybug,” Adrien said with a scowl marring his face. 

“What’s the problem with her?” Plagg had talked to Tikki enough to know that Adrien’s concern wasn’t unfounded; he was surprised that Adrien could see past his own problems, though.

“I don’t know. It’s just… she seems overwhelmed. She displayed so many emotions yesterday and tried to cover them up with jokes and fake smiles.” Adrien sat on the bed and threw his back onto the mattress, arms under his head. 

“Just like you do?” The boy just sent Plagg a lopsided smile and returned his gaze to the ceiling. 

“I think that I was so focused on my own feelings that I didn’t pay attention to hers. She has not only become the Guardian, but she’s lost Master Fu too. She had him as a friend. I can't forget that.”

“Wayzz said that she misses him a lot, but he and Tikki are supporting her as best as they can.”

“I’m glad she’s keeping Wayzz for company. I wish I could do more.” Adrien reached for his phone. “Well, time for breakfast.”

“The good time you mean.” They both laughed and Plagg was happy to see a bit of light coming back to his chosen’s eyes. 

Breakfast went fine. Nathalie had barely paid attention to him. She was so focused on some problems they were having with investors that she allowed Adrien to go out without even consulting his father. Adrien was just relieved that he managed to get out of that stuffed house for a bit. 

He tried to reach Nino on his way to the park with no success. He decided to leave a message letting Nino know where he was. Adrien sighed when he entered the park followed by the Gorilla. He had wandered some when he noticed Marinette sitting cross-legged on a bench focused on her sketchbook. While the idea of interrupting her was unpleasant, there was something about her that pulled him like a magnet. Or maybe he just wanted someone with whom he could talk to.

“Hi, Marinette,” he said being careful to not scare her which didn’t work well as she almost fell off the bench. He reached for her arm to steady her mindlessly of her flailing legs. “Ouch,” he let out as her leg hit his inner thigh inches away from his private parts.

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you?” She looked anywhere but at his face and he figured what she could be thinking. Well, that would have been embarrassing. 

“No, no. It just startled me,” he rushed to assure her. “I’m the one that should be sorry for interrupting you.” Seeing that she was still reluctant to look at him he added, “It’s ok Marinette.” He kneeled to retrieve her sketchbook from the ground. “Here, maybe I should just go and let you work,” he said feeling insecure about her behavior.

“Wait.” She caught his wrist before he even made a move. “Are you sure you ok?” 

“Yeah. I’m fine.” He forced a smile when she openly studied his face.

“You are wearing makeup. I mean… I know you do to cover up small things, being a model and all. But…” she hesitated. 

“Does it show that much? Nathalie didn’t notice but she…”

“Just if you pay attention.” She gasped blushing. “Not that I pay attention to you, I mean, of course, I pay attention… well, you get it.” She giggled nervously.

Adrien chuckled "I’m glad that someone pays attention to me. Nathalie actually didn’t.” His hand flew to the back of his neck. “Humm, something kept me up for the better part of the night.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Marinette asked timidly. 

“That’s what I was hoping for when I came here. But you don’t look good yourself. Something’s wrong?”

“Humm…” She motioned to her sketchbook. “Just a design idea that didn’t let me sleep. I stubbornly went to bed but it just kept swirling around my head. Guess I should’ve just gotten up and got it over with.” She patted the place beside her. “Now tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Kagami gave me an ultimatum yesterday. She wants us to date” he said as he sat resting his elbows on his knees. 

“I thought you were already dating her.”

“That’s what everybody is thinking, right?” He glanced at Marinette.

“Pretty much.”

“Do you remember the girl I told you I was in love with?” he saw Marinette go stiff. He wondered if she was going to judge him.

“Wasn’t it…” she cleared her throat, “I thought it was Kagami.”

“No. It’s a girl with whom I work. Kagami knows about her.” He felt the need to mention. “In fact when I first asked your help with Kagami that girl had rejected me and Kagami was the one to encourage me to ask herself out.”

“Really?” Marinette said out loud, and then muttered to herself, “That girl really doesn’t hesitate.” He figured that he wasn’t supposed to hear that, so he just ignored it. 

“Kagami seems determined to make me forget her. Well… that girl crushed any hope I had left anyway. What do you think I should do?” He looked at her expectantly. 

Why did her opinion matter so much to him? And why did her answer shatter his heart to pieces?

“As long as Kagami is in the know and you stay true to her, I don’t see a reason for you to not date her.” 

Adrien could barely make out her words as he tried to figure out his feelings. What had he thought? That the feelings she had for Chat Noir would automatically transfer to Adrien and she would stop him from dating Kagami like someone that interrupted a wedding? He averted his gaze unable to look at her as he acknowledged that that was indeed what he, unconsciously, had hoped for. 

He remembered the Bourgeois’ party, how great of a time he had with his two friends. There was a difference between them back then; where Kagami was straight forward about her feelings not letting him doubt about her intentions, Marinette had been supportive of the two, kindly stepping aside to give them privacy, and even so he longed for her. He had begged Marinette to tag along with them. He shook his head focusing on Marinette’s words.

“… I learned from a friend that losses are part of life.” She placed her hand over his. “Sometimes life doesn’t give you what you are hoping for and you have to learn to accept the changes.” There was something different about her demeanor that he couldn’t place. As if there was a hidden meaning to her words. She sent him a sad smile and he wondered what heartbreaks she had gone through.

What happened between her and Luka? They were still good friends, it didn’t seem like they had had a major issue. Had Chat Noir hurt her so badly? He wanted to ask but he wasn’t supposed to know. They had decided to keep the real reason for Tom’s akumatization between them after all. 

“Dude I’m sorry. I just got your message” Nino approaching them, his eyes darting to Marinette’s retreating hand. “Am I interrupting something?” he asked with a smirk.

“Of course not” Marinette jumped to her feet gathering her belongings. “I need to go, bye.”

“Thank you for the advice. See you on Monday.” Adrien said and she smiled turning her back to them. 

Nino had the smirk still on his face as he watched Adrien watching her. “I thought you had a thing with Kagami.”

Adrien snorted, internally beating himself up for letting his feelings show. “Marinette is a great friend, Nino. She was actually giving me advice about Kagami.” Adrien shoved Nino’s arm playfully as his friend laughed at his expenses. “I’m regretting calling you…”

The two friends kept talking about everything and nothing. Just content for being able to hang out with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow updates. I've been busy and I'll be even busier in the next weeks. 
> 
> I'm not giving up on the story.


	6. Moving on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien settles things with Kagami.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I've been busy.
> 
> I want to thank for the comments, kudos, and subscriptions from the last chapter.

Sunday night Ladybug had patrol with Chat Noir but Marinette didn’t have the nerves to go. She sent him a message saying that she wasn’t feeling well. It wasn’t a lie. The closer it got to their meeting time the clammier her palms got, her stomach twisted uncomfortably and the feeling that she was going to throw up was great. 

Her encounter with Adrien on Saturday morning had left her uneasy. She wasn’t prepared to face him so soon, and then he had asked her opinion about his relationship with Kagami. The way he looked at her had put to test her resolve of that same morning. It was as if he was expecting her to tell him anything but to date Kagami. It was only the sudden memory of white and icy blue eyes that held her from jumping into his arms and telling him the whole truth. 

She knew it would be easier for her to keep her distance if he was in a relationship. And she thought it would be better for him to have someone by his side to help him move on. Especially since Kagami seemed to be aware that he loved another girl. 

At first, Marinette was surprised to discover that Kagami was the one to encourage him, but she was actually relieved that he hadn’t been the one to make the first move. It made her wonder if he would have accepted her own love had she been brave enough to confess to him. As Chat Noir he had had not only his obvious love for Ladybug as a reason to reject Marinette – after all, he had told Marinette how he felt even before he confessed to the heroine – but also there were all the implications and risks that come with a relationship between a civilian and a superhero. 

Chat Noir had replied to her message with the link to the app he found and his username. He also asked her to rest and to tell him if she needed anything. The sweet and caring message had brought tears to her eyes. Kagami was sure to have an amazing boyfriend. 

Monday came with a sense o dread to Marinette. She wanted to stay in bed and fake sickness. It’d be easy to convince her mother. Her lack of appetite, sleepiness and all the anxiety left her pale and sluggish. 

“Maybe you should stay at home today, Marinette if you still don’t feel well,” Tikki said as Marinette observed her reflex in the mirror. 

“I feel better than yesterday and I can’t keep avoiding Adrien. I have to face him sooner or later and it’s better that there isn’t an akuma involved.”

“That’s true. Just try not to get too involved in his relationship. You have a tendency to help people, but you need to think about yourself first this time. You are important too.” Tikki flew in front of her chosen’s eyes “I’ll be with you if you need me,” Tikki encouraged as Marinette started getting ready to school.

Looking at the mirror one last time, Marinette took a deep breath and headed down the stairs for breakfast and then to the bakery to get macaroons for Tikki. 

“Adrien?” Marinette said surprised to see the boy talking animatedly with her mother while he munched on a croissant. 

“Oh! Hi, Marinette. Are you ready?” He gulped down the remainder of the pastry.

“Ahm, yeah. I just have to get something.” Marinette slipped some macaroons into her purse as he turned to talk to her mother.

“Thanks, Sabine. It was delicious.” 

“It was no problem, dear. Feel free to come whenever you want,” Sabine replied with a soft smile.

Adrien held the door open to Marinette. “I’ve been waiting for a while. We’re almost late.”

Marinette held her breath bringing her hands to play with one of her pigtails. He was waiting for her. “Haven’t you heard that I’m always late?” She giggled nervously.

“Of course, sleeping head.” He laughed when she gasped indignantly. 

“You’re in a good mood, I see.” She tried to conceal her sadness about the reason for his happiness, but some of it seeped through her voice. Fortunately, he didn’t notice.

“I’ve never been better.” Adrien beamed facing the sky and letting the sun bathe his skin. 

“I guess that things went fine with Kagami then.” Marinette wore a tight smile when he looked at her with a hint of worry. 

“Better than I imagined actually. I thought she would be mad when I told her that I only wanted to be friends with her.” 

“You what!?” She froze in place and stared at him with wide eyes. 

He chuckled at her reaction. “I thought about what you said and I also talked to Nino. He thinks that if I doubt my feelings so much I shouldn’t date her. I’m fourteen. I don’t need a romantic relationship right now. Well, I wanted one with the girl I love, but since it can’t be… I have to move on. That doesn’t mean I have to date someone else.”

Marinette’s head spun. She did it again. In her eagerness to see him out of her reach and make things easier for herself, she had been selfish not considering his feelings and throwing him at Kagami’s arms. At least Nino had been a sensible person and given Adrien the right advice. “I’m sorry I didn’t help you.” She looked down ashamed, swallowing the real words she wanted to say but couldn’t.

“Of course you did. More than you can imagine.” Adrien touched her shoulder stepping in front of her as they arrived at the bottom of the staircase. “That thing you said about losses and changes made me think. Maybe for the first time in my life, I made my decision entirely based on how I feel and what I think is right.” She looked at him thoughtfully. “I considered all the advice I received and got to my own conclusion. If I kept things going with Kagami, I would hurt our friendship and worse, I would hurt her.”

“So, why were you with her in the first place?” 

“I don’t love her, but I care about her a lot. I was confused. I had been rejected so many times and… you know…” he gestured vaguely, “I think that I just wanted to feel loved. Kagami can be very persuasive when she wants and I guess I liked the attention.”

Marinette could understand that. His father never gave him the attention he needed. Adrien was used to getting lots of attention but all void of what really matters: love. No wonder he sought it in every way possible. In every interaction with his friends, with Ladybug… 

“Besides she is a bit too controlling,” he continued as he decided to climb the steps to the school. “My father and Nathalie already do that, I don’t need a girlfriend watching every step I take.” He put his hands in his pocket with a tight-lipped smile. 

Marinette rolled her eyes knowing exactly what he didn’t want Kagami to discover. She ran to catch up with him. “How about your co-worker?” She asked. What if he continued to pursue Ladybug? She didn’t know if she could handle that. 

“She is my friend and I value that. She is important to me in a way that I can’t even start to describe. So I’m given up on her. I said that I’m moving on, I’m accepting the change. Plus, I realized that the hold she has on my heart is not as tight as I thought.” His secretive smile made her heart sink. The bell rang signaling the start of the school day. “Come on, we’re late.” Adrien reached for her hand and dragged her with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed. 
> 
> Comments are always welcomed.


	7. Unexpected visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When friendship speaks louder.

Marinette hadn’t expected Kagami to show up at her doorstep minutes before her fencing lesson was supposed to start. She felt like she should have anticipated that. 

Marinette welcomed Kagami as best as she could and lead her to the couch as she motioned awkwardly for her friend to seat.

“I wanted to talk to you.” Kagami sat on the couch, hands folded on her lap. “You are my closest friend and I really need a friend right now.”

“It’s about Adrien, isn’t it?” It was useless to pretend she didn’t know. 

“I figured he would have told you.” The fact that Kagami knew about Marinette’s feelings for Adrien and, even so, decided to seek her to talk about her relationship with him was unsettling. But there wasn’t an accusatory tone in her voice, neither a mocking one. 

“I mean…” Marinette started but Kagami interrupted her.

“It’s ok. It’s good, actually. This way I don’t need to tell you everything. Did he tell you about the girl he loves?” Marinette nodded. “At first I thought it was you but when I realized that it wasn’t I felt less guilty for trying to win him over. Well… now I know why you didn’t do anything about your feelings for him. He really loves that girl. I feel a little stupid right now for thinking I could make him forget her.” 

Marinette sighed remembering Adrien’s words. “He cares about you, you know, and your friendship means a lot to him.”

Kagami snorted. “Yeah! He said that. He is a very good friend and that’s why I’m going to avoid him for now. I don’t want to ruin that.” She threw her head back resting it on the couch. “I’m just so angry that it took him so long to tell me that he just wanted to be friends. I thought we were making progress in the last couple of weeks.” She huffed balling her hands into fists beside her.

Marinette couldn’t help the guilt squeezing her heart. She was trying to find what to say when her phone went off. She would have ignored it had it not been the sound of the app she used only with Chat. 

“Sorry, Kagami. I really need to answer that.” Marinette said as she rose up from the couch.

_**Prettykitty:**_ Where are you? Akuma close to the L’arc de Triomphe.

Marinette typed a message back letting him know that she would be late, wondering how he had managed to ditch fencing and was already fighting. She had no idea how to get away from Kagami. 

“There,” Marinette said putting her phone aside. “Where were we?” For the frown on Kagami’s face, Marinette could see that her attempt to sound casual didn’t work.

“Maybe I should go. That seemed important.” Kagami tried to get up but Marinette held her in place with a hand on her shoulder.

“Nothing that can’t wait a little.” She gave Kagami a reassuring smile knowing very well that Chat was more than capable of taking care of himself. He would text again if he needed immediate help. “You are my friend and I want to be here for you.” 

Kagami rose up and started to pace. “I said that we were making progress, but if I think about it he was never there. Physically, yeah, but not his mind. He never kissed me.” 

Marinette gasped. “Never?”

“It was always the same story ‘I’m not ready’. That was so annoying.” She huffed. 

Marinette watched Kagami. She was upset but didn’t seem to be heartbroken. Thinking about everything she knew about the girl, it was safe for Marinette to assume that Kagami liked Adrien, yes, but she also saw him as a challenge, even if subconsciously. 

With little to no social interaction with people her age, it would have been easy for Kagami to confuse friendship with love. It really wasn’t that much difference. Both brought the warm feeling of being cared for and the necessity of sharing moments, good or bad. Friendship meant that you could be yourself, with no fear of being judged. Love, on the other hand, made you nervous fearing that you could mess up any moment. 

Marinette had noticed since she became close friends with Kagami that the girl acted more freely, allowing herself to be playful and silly whenever she was with Marinette or Adrien. 

Maybe what Kagami really wanted was to part of something, to feel loved, just like Adrien did. They had so much in common, the family background, the expectations set upon them. It was easy to think you are in love with the first person that treats you differently than everyone else. 

“You know what; I think you need a girl’s outing,” Marinette said getting up from the couch, she glanced at her phone. It hadn’t chimed again but she couldn’t take longer. What if he was trying to prove himself again as he did in Desperada? Or worse, had been caught by the akuma. Her stomach flipped and Kagami could read her face.

“We can talk about it another time.” 

“Sorry… I”

Kagami took Marinette’s hand. “Whatever that is, it seems important to you. I’ll text you when I’m free.” 

“I’ll arrange with the other girls.”

Kagami gave a grateful smile as she walked towards the door. “I don’t want you to get hurt, Marinette but I believe that your chances of success are way bigger than mine.” Marinette stared at the door as Kagami closed it. Tikki had to nudge her to transform.

When Ladybug arrived at the akuma attack her heart twisted and she started to blame herself for waiting so long. Chat was rolling on the ground and meowing like a real cat among some children. She had seen that before when the mayor had been akumatized. His ears perked up as she approached and Ladybug took a defensive stance waiting for him to move to get her Miraculous. Their eyes met and she could read his like a book as he slowly averted his gaze to a little boy at her right. 

The boy was no more than five, his face pale and a purple pacifier stood out on his mouth. With Chat continuing to play the distraction she called for her lucky charm which was a bottle and traded it for the pacifier without resistance from the child. When she cast her Miraculous cure she saw that the adults being held by the police in between the bases of the arc were actually little children and toddlers. 

She looked at Chat just in time to see him giving the little boy to a woman. “What happened?” she asked.

“He was jealous because his parents are giving more attention to his newborn sister. He threw a tantrum and Hawkmoth took advantage of that. He was transforming all the children younger than him into adults. I figured he liked cats and distracted him until you arrive. Why you…” Her earrings biped. “You should go.” 

“Patrol tonight?”

“You feeling better?” He smiled when she nodded. “See you then.” He vaulted in the direction of the school. 

“Great job, Kitty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to write battles, even in my first language (Portuguese). So, I'm not going to try to do it in English. 
> 
> Next chapter they go on patrol.


	8. Time for patrol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug discovers who is replacing her in Chat's heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't my intention to put so much emotion in this, but here we go...

Ladybug landed a few meters away from where Chat Noir laid staring at the sky with his hands under his head. She approached carefully to not disturb him and laid beside him inhaling the cool night air. She studied his profile; it hadn’t the soft look of someone stargazing. Instead, it held a serious expression, his jaw clenching and unclenching every now and then.

“A penny for your thoughts, Kitty” Ladybug said averting her eyes from him. 

“The akuma today. That little boy seemed so lonely. It’s not that I’m judging his parents, it’s just… the woman that came to pick him up was his babysitter. She admitted that his parents have been giving too much attention to the baby and leaving him out.” 

He didn’t elaborate, it was clear that it was a painful subject for him. He was projecting his own life into the situation. Ladybug understood why he was so tense. Gabriel filled her mind, his cold demeanor, his lack of involvement in Adrien’s life. How many fencing competitions Gabriel had failed to show up? He had never been to school, always sending Nathalie in his place. Adrien almost never complained, but she had seen him in many of his fragile moments to know better. She shook her head to clear her mind. Perhaps one day she would be able to talk to him about his home life, but not today.

“I’m not going to judge them either, but if I were in their place I’d try to include him in the care with the baby. Ask his help, maybe when it’s bath time; small things so he could feel helpful.” She smiled imagining the scene.

“Is that how your parents acted with you?” Chat gasped. “I’m sorry. I…”

“I’m an only child.” She chuckled seeing his surprise for her sharing personal information. “It’s not like you can figure me out just by that.” 

“You never know.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Just kidding,” Chat laughed and returned his gaze to the sky with a much softer expression. “If I were in his father’s place I would try to give him all the time I could, play with him, help the mother with him.” He stopped a bit to think. “I would take care of the baby too so my wife could spend some alone time with him as well.”

Ladybug closed her eyes feeling her throat constrict. His wife. How did their conversation get to this point? It was so easy to imagine him doing those domestic things. Not long ago she had imagined him building a pillow fort and then reading to their kids making voices; she would join them with the food she’d have prepared. Maybe at that time he had imagined something similar, raising a family with Ladybug. Now she had no idea who he was imagining as his wife. It wasn’t even Kagami for what she knew. 

Her eyes flew open as she remembered that Ladybug wasn’t supposed to know about his decision to remain only friends with Kagami.

“Wife, hum? Thinking that far ahead with your girlfriend?” She put as much as teasing on her voice as she could muster. 

“She isn’t my girlfriend.” He sighed and just a few seconds later he sat up facing Ladybug. “Oh, you meant Kagami. I decided against dating her.”

“You’re confusing me. Who were you thinking of?” She sat up as well, his admission of thinking about another girl as his wife plaguing her mind.

“Sorry, it’s confusing for me too. Let me try to explain.” Ladybug nodded for him to continue. “So, last time we talked you said that I should date Kagami but I wasn’t so sure about it. I don’t love her. She is a nice girl and we have so much in common that I feel good being around her. I didn’t feel like that was enough, though. So I went for another opinion.” He said a look of guilt on his features for not following her advice.

“It’s ok that you looked for someone else’s opinion. You had all the right to do so. It’s something important. I’m the one sorry here for just hum… pushing you to Kagami, I guess. I just want you to be happy.” He visibly relaxed as she gave him an apologetic smile.

“I know you do and I want you to be happy too.” He changed his position so he wasn’t facing her anymore. He brought his knees up to his chest and hugged his legs. “So, as I was waiting for my best friend to ask his opinion I encountered another friend and asked hers instead. She encouraged me too and that caught me off guard. Not because of her answer, she is always supporting her friends and has joined some couples after all.” He glanced briefly at Ladybug as she sat there in silence trying to understand what he was saying. “I realized that I wanted her to stop me from dating Kagami and tell me to date her instead.” He laughed dryly “What a foolish thought, I know.”

Ladybug couldn’t believe her ears. She surely hasn’t understood him right. “You l-like your friend?” she stammered.

“I think I have for a while. I was just too blind to realize my feelings for her because I had all my thoughts on you. I even rejected her because of you.” He buried his face between his knees and kept silent.

Ladybug didn’t say anything. Too busy wrapping her mind around that new information. He loved her. All of her. Her doubts of whether he had dated Marinette just because she was Ladybug in the Chat Blanc timeline falling to pieces. Her heart clenched, without knowing how Hawkmoth discovered their identities she would have to reject him if he tried to confess to her. It took all of her self control to hold back the tears. When he finally loved her back, she couldn’t love him. In what world was that fair? Where was her luck?

“When are you going to confess to her?” She managed to keep her voice somewhat steady to ask. She wanted to be, at least, prepared.

“I won’t”. 

“What?” The genuine surprise in her voice caused him to raise his head and look at her. 

“My best friend suggested me to wait a few days because of the situation with Kagami and then ask her out. But I don’t think that it’s a good idea. She doesn’t like me like that. She said that multiple times. And there’s the fact that she helped me with Kagami. Why would she help me with another girl if she liked me?”

“You have a point,” she said hiding the truth.

“She is completely out of my reach.” He heaved a sigh and faced her again. “Well, that’s not why we’re here. Let’s get to the important things.” Ladybug was marveled at how fast he schooled his face and hid his feelings.

Ladybug sighed too. “The miraculous holders.”

“It’s not safe for them, now that Hawkmoth knows who they are. Have you thought about a solution yet?” 

She nodded. “I think that, for now, we could use multiple miraculous ourselves when needed. Like we did against Miracle Queen.”

“That was a hard thing to do. With the Snake Miraculous, I had to do most of the planning and I’m not particularly good at it.” 

Ladybug snorted “I think you did an amazing job.” Imagining that his answer could have been influenced by their recent talk about Aspik, she added “You will probably have to use other Miraculous too, like the turtle. And it would be temporary until we find other holders or another solution.”

“Yeah! You’re right. But I gave it a thought too.”

“Great! What’s your idea?” Ladybug perked up. It was good to brainstorm with him.

“We can’t give the Miraculous back to the people that used them before because Hawkmoth knows who they are, right?” She nodded. “I already knew some of their identities, so, me knowing it’s not a problem.” 

“No, it’s not. What’s your point?” She was getting impatient.

“Ok. When you gave the Mouse Miraculous to Marinette the only one who saw her detransform was me.”

“I can’t give the Miraculous back to her” Ladybug said trying to contain her panic. She should have expected that.

“Why not? Hawkmoth doesn’t know who she is and she did a great job. It’s perfect.” He looked at her confused when she got up and started to pace.

“It’s not perfect. She was reckless; I can’t have her putting us at risk.” 

Chat Noir got up and towered over her. “Reckless? Just because she assumed that I could know who she was?” He glared at her.

“She shouldn’t have assumed that,” Ladybug said struggling to find a reasonable excuse. 

“Both Kagami and Chloe let Hawkmoth know their identities and yet you gave them back the Miraculous.” 

“And look where that led us. Chloe betrayed us.” She spat.

“Don’t compare Marinette with Chloe.” He practically growled. 

Ladybug fought the urge to cringe and stepped forward tilting her head up in defiance. “I’m not giving a Miraculous to the girl you like. I can’t risk you putting yourself or her in danger because of your feelings.” 

She hasn’t realized that she was projecting Chat Blanc’s feelings into her words until Chat Noir looked at her with the same ice-cold glare that his akumatized self wore. He narrowed his eyes clenching his jaw.

“Well, you’re the Guardian. You make the rules. You know where to find me if you need me.” He turned on his heels and jumped from the roof. 

Ladybug stayed frozen in place. Having a double life was never easy but now it seemed that she was walking on eggshells. Or better saying, on a minefield, judging by his reaction. “How am I going to fix this?”


	9. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Ladybug needs to apologize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank for all the kudos and comments. Especially some that gave insights for the story. Thank you guys.

The cold air of the night blew Ladybug’s bangs as she soared through the Parisian sky but did nothing to relieve the tightness in her chest. She knew she had made a mistake. 

After Chat Noir had left she started patrol alone. She couldn’t say she was actually patrolling because she wasn’t paying attention to anything other than the chaotic thoughts inside her head. She had replayed their conversation over and over again. She had handled the situation poorly. He made good points about Multimouse and all she did was give a lame excuse and accuse him. She whined remembering that part and stopped, pressing her back to a chimney. Why had she done that?

Her feelings were all over the place. Everything that had happened in the last three weeks was overwhelming. Tikki and Wayzz could only do so much, especially if she didn’t tell them everything. Ladybug inhaled and exhaled deeply trying to steady her emotions. She wondered if Hawkmoth would even be able to pick one to concentrate on. 

Her mind went to Adrien. They had talked about methods of keeping their emotions in check and he surely needed to watch himself now. She looked at her surroundings; she wasn’t far from his house. Maybe she should check on him. 

The lights were on but he wasn’t in the room. From his window sill, she looked over Paris for any signs of an Akuma and saw nothing. As she returned her attention to his room a very angry Plagg stared her down. 

“What were you thinking to say that to him?” The kwami crossed his arms in front of his tiny body.

“I’m sorry, Plagg. I wasn’t thinking straight.” Ladybug lowered her head not accustomed to being looked like that by a kwami. Plagg was so different from Tikki and Wayzz. Tikki sometimes got angry but her face was so cute that it barely counted.

“It’s not to me that you have to apologize.”

“Can I talk to him?” she asked tentatively.

Plagg sighed and floated aside to let her in. “I’ll let you, but if you dare hurt him again…” He didn’t finish his sentence as he went towards Adrien’s bathroom phasing through the door.

The two minutes that took to Adrien step out of the door felt like an eternity to Ladybug. She was both eager to see him and afraid to make things worse. Her heart thudded painfully fast against her ribcage, and it was getting hard to breathe. The open window was tempting. She was considering leaving when his voice sounded behind her. 

“Plagg said you wanted to talk.” His cold voice matched the aloofness on his face.

Ladybug actually considered his demeanor a blessing considering that everything else in him at the moment would have fried her brain. He was fresh from the shower, barefoot, hands tucked into the pockets of not so loose grey sweatpants, white tank top, and unkempt damp hair. She carefully kept her gaze on his face avoiding his dangerous figure. 

“I wanted to apologize for what I said,” she said crossing her arms hugging her middle. “I don’t really think that you’d put anyone in danger because of your feelings. It’s just… sometimes it feels that you don’t even think before you act and…”

“Really? Because I do. My power is tricky, one wrong move and I can cause great damage. You should know that since you cataclysmed a sentimonster without analyzing first.” She was caught off guard by that but recognized that he was right. “It may not seem but I don’t take unnecessary risks. It’s my job to protect you so you can fix everything. And I always will, regardless of my feelings for you. I act when there’s the need to. Sometimes it doesn’t go well. But what can I do? I’m not perfect. I make mistakes,” he stated.

“I do too. And big ones.” She averted her eyes from his face.

“That’s why I got so mad. We’ve both made mistakes, so why are you condemning Marinette for a small mistake? I don’t mind the things you said about me but I do care about what you said about her. And don’t think it’s because of my feelings, it’s not. When you compared her to Chloe. God. Do you know how different they are? They’re basically opposites.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry is not enough. I want an answer, Ladybug. Unless you give me a reasonable reason for why she can’t get the miraculous back I won’t understand you.”

He waited for her answer, but she couldn’t find one. Where was her capacity of making things up on the spot? After a couple of minutes of silence, he walked towards the window resting his forearm on the glass above his head. 

She cast a glance at Plagg on Adrien’s desk. The look on his face said that he wouldn’t hesitate to cataclysm her if she said the wrong thing. She let her body slump on the couch, a sob escaping her throat. When did she start crying? 

She heard Adrien sighing and felt the couch give in beside her, his hand softly landing on her shoulder. 

“If you don’t tell me what’s going on I can’t help you. I can’t read your mind, you know?” There was a hint of teasing in his voice which brought another sob out of her. 

“I’m so tired of having to be strong.” Her voice was strangled and muffled by her hand. She didn’t see Adrien sharing a look with Plagg in a way of asking him to watch for any purple butterfly. What she felt was his arms encircling her shoulder and bringing her closer to him.

“Tell me when you’re ready.” He held her patiently waiting for her to speak. He might be comforting her but his question still hung between them. 

“I don’t feel prepared to be a guardian. I’m so scared to bring other people into this. Hawkmoth knows each one of our allies.” 

“He doesn’t know…” 

She didn’t let him say what she already knew he would. Ladybug hoped that what she was going to say made sense. Her brain felt mushy, tension was building up inside her skull causing a dull pain. 

“I can’t put her in danger. All of them were her friends. He could figure her out. He could figure you out.”

Adrien thought for a minute and sighed “I guess you’re right. I don’t want to put her in danger either. I understand your fears... But I think you’ll be a great guardian, just give yourself time.” 

“I thought I would have time to prepare for this. Master Fu was training me.” She tried to pull away but Adrien didn’t let her. So she buried her face into his chest fisting the white cotton. “I miss him so much. It’s hard that I don’t have anyone to ask for advice.”

“Isn’t Wayzz helping you? Plagg said he was.”

“He does what he can, but kwamis are not privy on the miraculous secrets in case they fall in the wrong hands.”

“It makes sense” Adrien complied.

“I’m afraid that if something happens to me you don’t have who to turn to? It’s just you and me.”

“I… I haven’t thought about that…” he said tightening his grip on her as if afraid she would disappear at that very moment.

“Wayzz said that I can’t tell you who I am. But what if I get incapacitate to fight and you need other people to help you like when Party Crasher caught me?”

“Maybe you could tell Plagg where to find the miraculous box and how to open it since he knows who you are. Would that be a problem?” Ladybug shook her head, as long as Plagg was with Adrien it wouldn’t. “Would you be able to do that, Plagg?” 

“Yeah. I would,” he answered skeptically. 

She had a feeling that Plagg didn’t agree with Wayzz about keeping her identity a secret. He really seemed to like Adrien a lot. “When I got here I thought you’d kick me out. Why are you being so nice?” she asked looking up at him.

“I have my moments of anger and I don’t like to be left in the dark but I believe that talking is the best way to solve our problems. I was worried about you. I know that you’ve been through a lot lately.”

She felt guilty. She was still hiding things from him; her feelings for him to start with and Chat Blanc. Should she tell him about it? Would that be wise? 

“I wish I could share more things with you,” her voice was small as she fought back more tears. 

“And I wish I could be there for you whenever you needed, but it can’t be. So let me help you when it’s possible. Let me take care of you, My Lady.” 

The softness in his voice and the nickname that she missed so much broke down her defenses. She cried as he held her tightly rubbing circles on her back. Little by little her sobs died down and for the first time in weeks, she felt that she wasn’t alone in this. She let herself enjoy the comfort of his arms. The safeness of his embrace. 

When she opened her eyes again, she was faced with blinding sunlight. As consciousness slowly kicked in she realized that she was still in Adrien’s bedroom; on his bed to be exact. She raised her arm and noticed with relief that she was still transformed.

A look to the sides proved that Adrien wasn’t anywhere to be seen. She got up to check his couch. He was there, facing the back of the couch with a pillow over his head. No doubt bothered by the light coming from the glass wall. She stood there for a while deciding whether she should wake him up. It was a school morning after all.

She didn’t miss the opportunity to check him out, though. The soft fabric clung to his body in a way that she wasn’t sure she would be able to see again, at least not in person and so openly.

“You should take a pic. It lasts longer,” he said lifting the pillow from his face showing a smug smile. 

“I was deciding if I should wake you up,” she sputtered.

“Oh, I don't think so. I saw the way you looked at me last night. I would bet that you buy the magazines I’m in just to admire me,” he said laughing as she reached for the pillow and tried to hit him with it.

“Your naughty cat.” Adrien put his hands in front of him to block her. 

“You’re not so immune to my charms as you say. At least not on this side of the mask.” He jumped over the back of the couch as she tried to hit him again.

“Come back here,” she said angrily as how right he was.

“Shh, you don’t want Nathalie to find you here, do you?”

Ladybug stopped in her tracks “No, of course not. I need to go home anyway.” There was something inside her that didn’t want him to win that. She recalled their conversation after Troublemaker. “You know, I do have some pictures of you, under my mattress.” She smirked triumphantly when he gasped in surprise and blushed a little. 

“There are pictures of other guys too, right?” 

“Naturally.” It wasn’t a lie. She had put some pictures of Master Fu there. She liked to look at them when things got too difficult. “I need to go, Adrien. Thank you for everything.”

“We’re friends and partners. I’ll always be here for you. Just talk to me.” He gave her a kind smile.

“I will. Bye, Kitty.”

When she neared the window he called her out. “Ladybug.”

“Yeah.” 

“How did you know it was Marinette… the girl I like? I’m sure I didn’t say her name.” He looked confused and so did she. She knew it was Marinette due to the circumstances, but he hadn’t said her name.

“You said you talked to the girl before you talked to your best friend.” She thanked the good night of sleep that she had for her brain to be working again. “I saw you talking to Marinette right before Nino arrived at the park. I was nearby and… well, I assumed it was her.” 

“I feel like I should lecture you for assuming things. But I’ll let that pass.” He chuckled. “I should start getting ready for school. Bye… My Lady.”

“See you around.” 

See you at school, she thought as she jumped from his window.


	10. Rejection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien had no intention of confessing to Marinette. Will he do it anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to find inspiration during the quarantine. 
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos.

Marinette didn’t expect to find Adrien waiting for her again when she got down to go to school. He was wearing his designer clothes and his hair was perfect, as always. The ever posing stance he showed every day; squared shoulders, controlled movements, and the well trained model face, so different from the carefree Adrien she left earlier in his room. However, when he turned to her, beaming, there was something in the way he looked at her that wasn’t there before. That no amount of training could hide. 

It was love. 

The exact same look he used to direct at Ladybug; soft, full of adoration and that hint of playfulness that made her doubt the seriousness of his feelings for so long. She forced herself to breathe to steady her heartbeat and settled down the butterflies that were going crazy in her stomach. Adjusting her backpack, she returned his smile and kissed her mother goodbye.

“If you’re coming for the pastries, you could’ve told me,” she said pointing to the macaroon on his hand when they exited the bakery. “I could sneak some for you. Nathalie would never know,” Marinette whispered in conspiracy. 

Adrien couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re so funny, Marinette. You know, I do like the pastries but I’m allowed to eat them. Within reason, of course.” Then, he leaned on her personal space and whispered using the same conspiratorial tone she had, “I’m just avoiding Nino.” 

“Oh, why?” 

“He’s been bugging me since Saturday and…” Adrien stopped talking when he saw Nino and Alya by the front door of the school, both grinning from ear to ear. “Not my brightest idea, I guess.” 

“You’re letting me curious.” 

Adrien bit his lip thinking about what to say. Marinette wondered what excuse he would use to get away from that.

“I asked his opinion about dating Kagami too. I also told him about the girl I loved. He thought I was talking about you.” He reached for his nape rubbing it in a nervous way and avoiding her gaze. “I may have let him think that and he said I should confess to you.”

“I… um…” Marinette opened and closed her mouth but could not form a coherent thought, she hasn’t expected that. 

“I know that you don’t like me that way.” He paused as if gauging her reaction to decided what to say next. Marinette’s mind told her that she should confirm what he said but she didn’t find the strength so she kept quiet waiting for him to continue. The disappointment she saw in his eyes squeezed her heart painfully as he said trying to sound like a joke, “Well, it’s not like I really like you that way, right?” 

Marinette forced a laugh “No, of course not. You just like me as a really good friend.” The playful atmosphere masked the pain they both were feeling. She knew that. It had been like that with Ladybug and Chat Noir and it just shifted to their civilian selves. She hoped that he would take Marinette’s rejection better. She stopped in front of him as they reached the first steps of the school. “And… as your good friend, I’m going to give you a solution.”

“What solution?” He arched his brow with curiosity.

“Just tell Nino that I rejected you because I’m friends with Kagami and I don’t want to hurt her.” It was the only reasonable reason she could give that could satisfy Nino since he knew that she did love Adrien. 

The flaw in that was that Kagami was rooting for her and Adrien if she decided to make a move; that much was clear from their last conversation. However, Marinette didn’t think that Adrien would want to hurt Kagami telling her about his feelings for yet another girl. That would be mean.

Adrien considered what she said. “Guess that adding your loyalty to your friend to the fact that you just see me as a friend really makes a good point.” He failed on hiding the sharp tone of his voice but corrected that when he continued, “Since I told Nino I would wait a few days for my confession it won’t be today that you’ll break my heart, so… let’s get going.” He caught her hand and pulled her upstairs where Nino and Alya were waiting. 

Alya left Nino’s side, briefly greeting Adrien, and immediately dragged Marinette inside the school to ask for details.

“What’s going on? It’s the second day in a row that Adrien comes with you to school. And he was holding your hand,” Alya whispered-shouted.

“Don’t put ideas in your head, Alya. I told you yesterday that he just wanted to talk about Kagami.” 

“Sure” sarcasm dripped from the word. “And today, what was his excuse? Don’t you dare hide things from me, girl.”

Did Nino tell Alya about Adrien’s feelings? Marinette didn’t think so. Alya would have called her right away. Plus, bro code was a thing, wasn’t it?

“He didn’t give me a reason, ok? And I didn’t ask. I think that he needs a friend right now and I’m going to be the friend he needs.”

“Oh, I see.” Alya cast Marinette a knowingly glance.

“You see what now?” 

“Nothing girl, nothing.” Alya laced her arms with Marinette’s and headed to the classroom.

Marinette didn’t like that at all. Alya was usually vocal about what she thought, so it scared Marinette when she kept quiet. A slip up from Nino and a disaster was bound to happen. She shook her head as she took her seat. Adrien entered the classroom and smiled at her before taking his own seat. Nino said something on Adrien’s ear and retreated to his place with an amused smile glancing at her. 

That went for about a week. Adrien coming to fetch her in the morning, Nino teasing him and making him blush; which Marinette found a very pretty sight, by the way. Alya made a comment or two about that but nothing that worried Marinette. 

She kept as much distance of Adrien as she could, trying her best to not lead him on. He certainly wasn’t making it easy for her because, despite the fact that he didn’t exactly confess, he was showering her with attention, letting some of his Chat Noir smoothness and playfulness seep through his civilian side when there was no one else around. When he did so it was hard to Marinette doesn’t show her Ladybug side. At the end of each day, she was exhausted of watching herself around him. 

On Wednesday she just didn’t have the energy to talk as they went towards the school. The day before was one that patrols ended with an Akuma attack. Fortunately, with Chat Noir concentrating all his efforts on the battle instead of wooing her, it didn’t take long for the fight to be over. But it still left her spent.

“I think today is a good day for you to break my heart.” He didn’t look at her as he kept a forced smile on his face. 

“Why do you say that?” She stopped and he stepped in front of her. 

“You are quieter than normal. I’ll just have to use my acting skills to make it believable.” He had such a sad expression that she had to refrain herself from kissing his sorrow away. “Is this good enough?” he asked and could’ve fooled her if she hadn’t seen that face before. 

Marinette gulped “Yeah it is. So… does this mean that you won’t walk me to school anymore?”

“Well, I have to stay away from you for a while. After all, this” he motioned to him then to her “was like a set up for my confession, you know. I was trying to get your attention, it didn’t work, you rejected me, we now avoid each other for a while and in a few days, we go back to what we used to be. No harm done.” 

Marinette’s heart dropped, that seemed so calculated, she was having a hard time believing what he told Ladybug. What if he had said that he loved Marinette to make Ladybug believe he had moved on from her? Marinette shook her head lightly. He seemed so sincere then and the last days had more than proved his feelings. He was just protecting his feelings now, building a wall between them to avoid getting hurt even more. What he would use as an excuse for Nino, was actually what had happened. 

“Do you think that Nino will believe you?” she asked trying to keep eye contact but failed. 

“He doesn’t have a reason to doubt me, does he? You wouldn’t hide your feelings if you liked me, would you?” There was a light of hope in his eyes that Marinette couldn’t ignore. Her heart felt a bit tighter in her chest.

“Why would I?” She shrugged fighting the stinging sensation behind her eyes. He averted his with a sad expression and she added, “Your acting skills are great, I’m positive that everyone will believe you.” 

She left him at the bottom of the staircase ignoring Nino and Alya that had just arrived and were looking at them confusedly. She went straight to the restroom and closed the door of the stall leaning on it. Taking deep breaths, the gentle touch of Tikki’s paws calming her down. 

She opened the stall’s door right when Alya stormed into the restroom. The girl that was washing her hand looked from Alya to Marinette, shrugged, and left. 

“You rejected Adrien?” Alya had a look of pure disbelief on her face. “After everything we did to get him to notice you, you reject him with a lame excuse that you’re loyal to Kagami?” She paced running her hands through her face and hair. 

“I don’t want to hurt Kagami’s...” 

“Don’t even start with that. You’re not the only one that is friends with Kagami. She told us that she thinks you have a lot more chance with Adrien than her.” Alya raised her eyebrow when Marinette gasped. “Surprised? You wouldn’t be if you had showed up to our girl’s outing that you organized.”

Marinette gulped, there had been an Akuma that day and she didn’t think that Kagami could’ve said something like that. “I forgot…” 

“I know, you already explained. What I don’t understand is that you lied to him.” 

Marinette sighed, mentally thanking Tikki for helping her think of plan B. “I don’t love him, Alya. I told him so” She forced herself to keep eye contact with Alya. She had to if she wanted to be believed.

“What? Of course, you love him. Look all the crazy things you did to get closer to him.”

“That’s the point. I thought I loved him but it was just infatuation. A crush on a celebrity. I’ve put him on a pedestal that started to crumble when I’ve gotten to know him better. These past days were enlightening; I realized that he isn’t the perfect boy I’ve imagined.” Alya could only look at her with wide eyes and mouth agape. “When I think of all the things I did… I’m so ashamed of the way I acted. I acted just like his crazy fans; the only difference was that I never let him know. Thank God that, aside from that infamous time that my room was broadcasted on TV,” Alya sniggered at that “he has no idea of the other things I did.” Marinette laughed but with no joy. 

She was truly ashamed of the crazy things she did. Stealing his phone, stalking him, she had to admit to herself, breaking into his house, lying on his bed without his knowing, making gifts to him years in advance. She wanted to dig a hole and hide in it forever. 

“So, you finally discovered that he is human just like us?” 

“Yeah, I did. And now I can be the friend he deserves.”

“I’m proud of you.” Alya laughed. “That’s exactly the opposite of what I imagined telling you when I entered here.” 

Marinette didn’t answer; she launched forward and hugged Alya. She needed the contact, even if she couldn’t tell the real reason to her best friend. Adrien wasn’t the perfect boy that she was infatuated with. No, he had flaws, just like her. She had realized that in the past week and saw her infatuation transform into a deep love. Love that she saw mirrored in his eyes, no matter what side of the masks they were in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it. 
> 
> Let me know what you think.
> 
> They'll be happy soon, I promise.


	11. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When secrets get too heavy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments on the last chapter. 
> 
> I'm really busy lately, that's why my updates are so slow. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking up with my story.

Marinette breathed a sigh of relief when the school day came to an end on Friday. Adrien had indeed avoided her since Wednesday, even so, he had made sure to send reassuring smiles when nobody was looking. It was a little comforting to know that he was keeping the distance only for appearances. It had only been two days and she was missing him so much already. The way to school lost all its color without him bantering with her. She could only hope that they would come back to that one day.

Alya had bought Marinette’s excuse and therefore expected her best friend to understand that she would spend more time with Adrien than with her. After all, he was the one in need of comfort. Nino hasn’t left Adrien’s side, acting as a shield between Marinette and him. 

That had caused a problem; Chat Noir hadn’t been able to show up to an Attack that had happened during school hours. Ladybug had to handle the Akuma single-handed to which Chat apologized profusely via message. 

They hadn’t met yet in their superhero forms and he hadn’t mentioned Marinette on his messages. She knew she should talk to him the sooner the better, so she invited him for patrol that night. With Tikki and Wayzz’s help, she braced herself as best as she could to hear him talking about his rejection. 

He was sitting on the roof when she arrived, one leg up to his chest, his chin resting on his knee. She sat beside him and didn’t say anything for a moment, watching his gloomy expression. “Are you ok?” she asked at last. 

Chat glanced at her and sighed returning his attention to nowhere in particular ahead of him. “I said that I wouldn’t confess to Marinette.”

“Did you?” Ladybug asked to prompt him to talk. 

“Not exactly. I didn’t want to mess up our friendship with a confession so I just gave her some opportunities to show her feelings for me if she had any.” He snorted shaking his head. “She proposed a fake rejection. Long story short, she rejected me without me even confessing.”

“I... I’m sorry. I mean, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure that she didn’t mean to hurt your feelings since she didn’t even know you really like her, right.”

He breathed out “I even let my Chat Noir personality out a bit to see her reaction. You know, I thought that she would like me more that way since she confessed to Chat before. I think that I just annoyed her.” He shrugged.

Ladybug rested her hand lightly on his arm. “You’ll find someone who’ll deserve you one day Chat.” Her voice sounded weaker than she intended and she hoped he wouldn’t notice. He did.

“What’s bothering you, Ladybug?” He looked at her frowning.

She took her hand from his arm and intertwining her fingers on her lap “I’m just a bit tired. Long week.”

“That day that you broke down in my room I told you I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on. I also told you that I don’t like to be left in the dark.” He shifted his position to face her. “I know that when Master Fu was around you two used to hide many things from me. I understand that he was training you to be a guardian which I had no business with. But it’s been months that you’ve been acting strange with me and it got worse when my identity was revealed. That makes me think that you’re hiding something regarding me and it is not okay. I want to know what it is.”

She couldn’t deny it. He had to be completely blind to not notice her strange behavior. “I don’t want to hurt you. Some things are better left unsaid.”

“I don’t care if I’m going to get hurt. I can deal with it, no matter what it is, as long as I know what it is.”

Ladybug closed her eyes tightly and took shaking breaths “Fine. I’ll tell you.” 

And she told him about Chat Blanc, the little she knew about that timeline: the fact that he knew her identity, their relationship, the destruction. She saw his expressions change from surprise to confusion and then horror. He listened silently, barring his teeth, clenching his fists, closing his eyes to fight the tears that threatened to escape. A myriad of emotions that she never thought a person could show in such a small amount of time. 

She couldn’t help the tears herself. His pain cut deep inside her but at the same time, it was liberating. That secret had been eating her alive.

“… that evening I had to make sure you were you again. That your suit was still black and your eyes green. So I called you just to see you.”

“And you didn’t think that you should tell me about what happened?” His voice was strangled showing how hurt he was. 

“Master Fu and I agreed that it would hurt you unnecessarily.”

Chat Noir laughed dryly. “Sometimes I doubt that Master Fu knew what he was doing.” He raised his eyes to the sky and breathed out heavily. “I had the right to know.”

Ladybug wanted to argue but she too had her doubts. Master Fu hadn’t been very consistent and he doubted his own judgments at times. She had accepted that the identity reveal was dangerous because she had thought the same thing before she even met him. Yet, the way he put it was confusing. What was the point of Chat having to give up his miraculous if he discovered her identity? Shouldn’t she hand hers over since he would still know who she was anyway? And worse, he would be a civilian in the know of her identity. It crossed her mind that Master Fu made up that rule for them not to go trying to discover each other’s identity because they weren’t ready. 

“I didn’t want you to blame yourself for what happened.” She had truly feared that. 

“You mean, for killing you? For destroying the world?” he asked sorrowfully.

“Nothing of what you did while you where akumatized was your fault, you know that.” She touched his face and he looked at her reluctantly. “Chat, we never blamed a person that was akumatized but we know that most of them feel guilty for the things they’d done. I didn’t want you to go through that. Especially since we don’t know the circumstances that led you to get akumatized.” 

Ladybug slid her hand from his face and took both of his hands in hers. Silence fell between them and she knew he needed the time to make peace with himself and she showed him her support tightening her grip on his hand. 

After what seemed an eternity, Chat Noir broke the silence with a lilt of teasing in his voice, “About the circumstances, you said that somehow in that other timeline we were dating and apparently happy, until Hawkmoth found out about us.” 

“That’s what Chat Blanc told me. But I don’t know ...”

He cut her off, “I can’t help but wonder if you didn’t want me to know that we were together because you were afraid that I could be pushier than I already was.” He smirked. “Or maybe you were scared of your own feelings. I’d think you’ve lost some nights of sleep imagining how you managed to fall in love with me, twice now, if we consider Oblivio.”

“M-my feelings?” Ladybug stammered.

He grinned smugly and deliberately leaned forward. “That night when I showed you my identity, I thought really hard about everything that happened. You mentioned that we wouldn’t be able to be together because of Hawkmoth even if you loved me. It makes a lot of sense now. You are scared to love me but you do, don’t you?”

Ladybug was having difficulties breathing. Yes, she was very much scared. “Adrien, please” she begged.

“Tell to my face that you don’t love me and I’ll never bother you again,” he said softly but firmly. His face mere inches away from hers.

After a few seconds without an answer he sighed and retreated, he didn’t go far, though as she grabbed his bell and kissed him. 

It went against all her resolves, but she kissed him with desperation. When he had retreated she felt like her heart was being ripped from her chest like he was taking her soul with him. She knew at that moment that if she let him go now it would be final. It had been his last attempt after all the opportunities he had given her, in both sides of her mask. She broke the kiss at the thought and he embraced her.

“Should I take this as an ‘I love you’?” he asked as she buried her face in the crook of his neck.

“I’ve never been good with words.” She chuckled. 

Chat pushed her off of him enough to deliver a tender kiss to her lips and then rest his forehead against hers.

“I may be good at understanding you without words but I do need them now. You’ve been giving me mixed signals for a while.”

“Me giving you mixed signals? Weren’t we discussing your relationship with another girl just a few minutes ago?” Ladybug knew it was actually herself but he didn’t know that, so she thought she should at least pretend to be offended.

He threw his head back and laughed. “I’m pretty sure the only relationship with another girl that I talked to you about was the one I had with Kagami.” 

Ladybug crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Do you think that I’m going to ignore how in love you sound when you talk about Marinette?” She felt her cheeks warm when she said that. Traitorous body.

“No. I actually want you to remember everything I said about Marinette.” He smirked and raised one eyebrow as he asked, “How far would you go to protect your identity, My Lady?”

“My identity?” she was confused.

Chat Noir sighed squeezing his eyes briefly taking a resigned sight “Rules are rules, right?” He took off his ring without hesitation and placed it in her hand.

“Rules?” She asked and then stared at the ring dumbfounded. He knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter probably in Adrien's perspective


	12. Reassurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien has his own insecurities...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you guys for sticking with this story for so long. I hope you like this new chapter.
> 
> I could have written more but I think that there's no need for many words between Ladybug/Marinette and Chat Noir/Adrien.
> 
> If you read the story again you can identify exactly when he figured her out and other details, so I thought it was unnecessary to explain much.
> 
> Edited in 11/18/2020

Adrien’s heart threatened to leap out of his throat as he waited for Ladybug to say something. She had been staring at the ring on her hand for an eternity, but it might as well be just a few seconds. His anxiety made him lose all sense of time. The confidence he had as he took off the ring was just apparent, inside, it felt like ripping a part of himself. 

He had weighed this decision for a week. He thought about telling her so many times but every interaction with Plagg, every time he had to transform had held him back. Becoming Chat Noir had changed his life and giving that up wasn’t easy. However, he couldn’t postpone it anymore. Not when there was a chance for him to be with the girl he loved. He would do anything for her, no matter how much it hurt him.

He felt her soft touch on his face, wiping a tear from under his eyes. A tear he hadn’t even noticed shedding.

“I’m not taking your Miraculous,” she said, pushing the ring back into his hand. “I told you that you are irreplaceable and I meant that.” 

Her words echoed in his head as he let out a shaky breath of relief sliding the ring back on his trembling fingers. “I thought…” A sob interrupted his sentence and she pulled him into her arms. “Being Chat Noir means a lot to me...” 

“I know…” she said softly, resting her cheek on top of his head. “You’re my Chat Noir. That rule doesn’t even make sense to me.” 

His lips curved into a small smile. He wasn't the only one to think that way, after all. “Oh! So, you’re changing the rules?” He almost purred as she petted his head. It felt so good … she had called him hers.

“I’m the guardian now and I can change what I don’t agree with. I've been thinking about it. Master Fu wanted to protect us, maybe he was afraid of making another mistake. He was haunted by his past mistakes." She paused and Adrien had no doubt that she was thinking about her own mistakes. He opened his mouth to say something but she resumed talking. "I don’t think that you give back your Miraculous can do us any good. It wouldn’t change the fact that you know who I am.” She gently pushed him off of her to look him in the eye. 

“You have no idea how hard I tried to not figure you out but things kept adding up.” 

Ladybug sighed. “I knew that being so close to you would be a problem. It was hard to interact with you in both sides of my mask. How exactly did you figure me out?” The tip of her mask raised in question. 

“Well, hum… your reaction when I suggested bringing Multimouse back… you were too quick to say no. I didn’t think much of it at the moment because you mentioned my feelings and that got to my head. But then at the shower, I managed to calm down, and when you went to my house to talk to me you didn’t really give me a reason. All you said was that you couldn’t put her at risk and that Hawkmoth could figure her out because all the other Miraculous holders were her friends…” he chuckled lightly “Seriously, who else would give a Miraculous to Alya?”

Ladybug crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Hey, Alya is a very trustworthy person.”

“You say that because you are her best friend.”

A frown set on her face, “I didn’t give…” 

“I know,” Adrien interrupted her, touching her shoulder. “What I meant was that you knew you could trust her because you are her best friend. I don’t think that you’d have trusted the girl who tried to uncover your secret identity, live, on her blog if you were someone other than Marinette.” 

She bit her bottom lip. “So that’s how you figured me out.”

“It was when I started suspecting. Well, the first time I suspected you were Marinette was when Mrs. Mendeleiev got akumatized. The only thing that kept me from figuring you out was Multimouse. But that night in my room I let myself entertain the idea that you might have deceived me, somehow.”

“Mirage” she offered and he nodded, putting aside in his mind the fact that she had used yet another Miraculous that day. That wasn’t important right now.

“Once I did, it was like the pieces of a puzzle started to fall into place. I tried to remind myself over and over again that I couldn’t know who you were but every little information I had about Ladybug fitted Marinette perfectly. As I held you in my arms I understood why I loved Marinette so much even when I still loved Ladybug.” She blushed furiously and he didn’t miss the opportunity to tease her. “Are you blushing?”

She covered her face with her hands, “You say that so easily.”

“You’d better get used to it. I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.” He paused when he saw the sadness in her eyes and realized that she still hadn’t said that she loved him. 

He had spent the last week trying to win her over. At first, he had prioritized his model side. He had seen the pictures on her bedroom wall and the way she looked at him that night in his house. He could tell that she, at least, found him attractive. The more he thought about her liking him for his looks the sadder he got, it wasn’t working anyway. So he tried using his Chat Noir charm. It was confusing, really. Sometimes she would act exactly like Ladybug and other times she would freeze and get uncomfortable. There were times he thought she loved him back and others that seemed that she could barely tolerate him. At last, he accepted that she didn’t love him and reprimanded himself for insisting. 

He didn’t know what to think now. He was so sure that she loved him from what she told him about the Chat Blanc timeline but maybe showing her all sides of his personality had changed her feelings for him. He sighed.

“You don’t love me, right? Not anymore. You… I’m not how you wanted me to be.” He looked down, his insecurity about not being enough getting the better of him. “Maybe I could… change.” His shoulders slumped down.

Ladybug lifted his chin firmly, making him look her in the eye. There was a mix of confidence, sorrow, and affection “You’re amazing, Adrien. You don’t have to change because of me. You don’t have to change because of anyone. I'm sorry that I made you feel like you had to.”

“But you…” she silenced him with a tender kiss.

“I loved you before. And I love you so much more now.” She rested her forehead on his, kneeling in front of him.

“You do?” 

She giggled, putting her arms around his shoulders. “How can I not? Every little thing you did these past few days made me fall in love with you even more.” He giggled too, his heart ready to burst with happiness and love. “But I’m scared.” 

“I am too,” he admitted. He could understand her now that she told him about his akumatization. Adrien thought about how it must have hurt her to reject him at the front steps of the school for fear. He raised his hand to touch her face “We can make this work. We’ll be extra careful.”

“Hawkmoth discovered about us and I don’t know what we did wrong.” Her expression morphed into one of desolation and he gulped hard trying not to imagine what she saw in that other timeline.

“We can keep our relationship a secret.” It hurt saying that. He wanted to shout from the rooftops that she loved him. To tell the tabloids that no, she wasn’t just a friend. She smiled, hope shining in her eyes.

“Will you be able to do it?” She tilted her head playing with the hair at his nape sending chills through his spine. 

“If that’s what it takes to be with you. Absolutely.” He circled her waist to bring her closer to him. “Can you drop your transformation?” 

“It’s getting late...” she tried to protest without much enthusiasm.

“We don’t have school tomorrow,” he argued. “Besides, I want to kiss Marinette.” He winked.

She rolled her eyes “We’re the same person, your dork.” They both laughed.

She destransformed and Tikki joined Plagg that was pretending to sleep on an empty box of camembert. A small part of the price that Adrien had to pay for him to stay quiet. 

“I know.” Adrien pulled Marinette into his lap. “I just want to hold your hand without the suit.” And he did just that, bringing her hand to his lips. “And see your pretty face without the mask.” His voice was just above a whisper.

He let go of her hand to touch the warm skin of her cheeks before gentling kissing her. They wouldn’t be able to be like this much, so he wanted to savor every moment. Engrave in his memory her touch, her smell, her taste. “I love you” she murmured, snuggling into the crook of his neck. He considered himself lucky bynot melting right then and there. 

School would be torture, he had no doubt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and subscriptions. 
> 
> I love to read your comments. They let me know if I'm doing a decent job.
> 
> (I'm not actually pleased with this chapter. I might make some changes in the future. If I do, I'll let you know at the beginning of the next chapter.)


	13. What now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Alya brings important things up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you that have waited patiently for this update.
> 
> As I wasn't satisfied with the last chapter I made some modifications (18/11/2020). I added some details because some things felt off. Nothing that changes the plot.

Marinette almost had a heart attack when Alya stormed into her room.

“Still in bed, girl? Really, how can you even sleep with the sun right on your face?”

The truth was, Marinette couldn’t. She had actually woken up to her alarm but stayed in bed replaying the night before, trying to convince herself that it hadn’t been just a dream. That Adrien now knew all her secrets and even though they couldn’t come public with their relationship, he was her boyfriend. 

Boyfriend… she suppressed her happy sigh when she remembered Alya in her room waiting for an answer. 

“Now you remember that I’m your friend?” Marinette teased peeking from her loft. 

“You agreed that he needed me more than you.” Alya took the cushion from the chaise and threw at her best friend which she caught with ease. 

“I know,” Marinette said between laughs, raising from the mattress and descending the stairs. “How’s he?”

“Why don’t you go see for yourself?” Alya led her to the window that overviewed the park. 

Marinette’s heart stuttered and a smile graced her lips at the sight of Adrien chatting with Nino next to the statue of Ladybug and Chat Noir. They didn’t have time to talk about how they would come back to being friends in their civilian lives but it seemed that Alya was offering her a golden opportunity. 

“Don’t you think it’s too early?” Marinette asked, unsure if she could face him so soon under the attentive eyes of her nosy friend. 

“He misses you,” Alya stated and moved to leave the room. “Get dressed. I’m waiting at the bakery.”

“Tikki, do you think Adrien planned this?” Marinette asked as soon as Alya was out of sight. 

“I don’t think so. He would’ve told you. I think that it’s just Alya meddling in your life as always.” Tikki giggled.

“I hope she doesn’t try to set us up again.” Marinette took a deep breath and started getting ready.

When she arrived at the bakery Alya had a bag with pastries in her hand and a big grin on her face. “Here. To break the ice.” 

Marinette kissed her parents before accepting the bag that Alya held impatiently. It was heavy and certainly had enough goodies for the group. A good sign that her friend wasn’t pushing for a romantic situation. “For everyone, I see.”

“You don’t want to give him the wrong impression, do you?” Alya nudged her before crossing the street. “Hey guys, we have company,” she called out for the boys who turned to look at them.

“Marinette?” Adrien said, visibly surprised to see her. 

It was silly, Marinette knew, but she couldn’t help feeling self-conscious. Was she blushing? She had been in his arms a few hours earlier, sharing kisses and confessions. But now it was weird, facing him in the daylight and having to pretend that they weren’t even on friendly terms. 

“Do you mind if I join?” she said shyly, looking directly at him. She wasn’t the only one with rosy cheeks. 

“Of course not,” Adrien blurted out. “I mean, I was afraid that you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore. I don’t want to lose your friendship,” he continued, rubbing his nape. 

“I’m still your friend, Adrien. If you want to, that is.” Marinette wished she had had the time to prepare for this. Was this sounding as forced to their friends as it was to her? She glanced at Alya who gave her a thumbs up. Maybe she was just overthinking. 

“I’m glad I didn’t mess up our friendship with, you know, my confession. I understand that you don’t feel the same way about me.” She noted a hint of teasing in his voice in the last sentence and had to suppress an eye-roll. Instead, she just smiled.

“Marinette brought pastries to us.” Alya intervened sensing the discomfort. “Let’s go sit.”

They sat on the bench and talked about lighter things while eating their snacks. At some point, Alya and Nino moved to the bench on the back so she could lay down with her head on Nino’s lap. Marinette and Adrien shifted their position, resting one arm on the back of the bench so they could keep talking to their friends. 

The new position left the two secret lovebirds basically facing each other, Adrien had taken the opportunity to get closer than necessary and touch her knees with his. It was just a small contact but it didn’t fail to send butterflies to Marinette’s stomach and he knew it. Adrien had the audacity to wink at her using his arm to shield his face from the other duo. Unable to keep up to his teasing, Marinette averted her gaze to Alya. 

Marinette frowned as she noticed that her best friend was unusually quiet and had a sad expression. “Is there something wrong, Alya?”

“Not exactly, I’m just wondering why Ladybug hasn’t called on any of the other heroes since Chloe’s akumatization.” Alya sighed dejectedly. “Doesn’t she trust them anymore? Does she think that they are going to betray her just like Chloe did?” 

Marinette had been so worried about putting her friends at risk that she hadn’t realized that they weren’t aware that their identities had been compromised. They were under the influence of the bees after all, and there was no footage. The only ones who knew about that were her, Adrien, Hawkmoth, and Mayura. She wasn’t sure about Chloe, but if she knew she didn’t tell anyone. 

“I don’t think that’s the case, Alya.” Marinette was trying to find something else to say when Alya sat on the bench facing her. 

“Then why? It doesn’t matter how difficult the fight is, it’s only her and Chat Noir there. They’ve used multiple Miraculous, she even defeated an akuma single-handedly when Chat didn’t show up.” Alya stopped to compose herself a little and Marinette felt Adrien’s hand squeeze her knee lightly to let her know that she wasn’t alone. “There must be something.” 

“I don’t know what to tell you.” Marinette’s voice was weak, she had no idea what to say without revealing the whole truth. She looked at Adrien for help. 

“If there is something, Alya, I’m sure that Ladybug will deal with it, as she always does,” Adrien reassured and gave Alya a well-trained smile. 

“That’s what I told her but she won’t listen. Last night she got a comment on the Ladyblog asking about that and she could barely sleep.” Nino caught his girlfriend's hand in his. “Let’s go home. You should take a nap.” 

“You’re right.” Alya rose and looked at Marinette and Adrien. “I’m sorry for spoiling the mood.”

Marinette stood up and hugged Alya tightly. “I’m your best friend. I’m here for you too, you know. Even if I can’t do anything I can listen.” 

“Thanks, girl. As Nino said, I just need to sleep.” Alya rested her head on Nino’s shoulder.

“Well, I want to thank you for bringing my friend back,” Adrien said, putting one arm over Marinette’s shoulders. She had to resist the temptation of doing the same thing as Alya. 

“I knew you two could figure it out by yourselves but I don’t like waiting.” Alya yawned. “Gotta get that sleep.”

“See you guys on Monday,” Nino said, pulling his girlfriend towards the park exit.

Adrien looked down at Marinette. “I’m taking it that you didn’t tell them about their identities being exposed.” She looked down ashamed of another mistake. “Hey, I’m not judging you. You’ve been through a lot. I just want to understand what’s going on so I can help.”

“I thought they knew, I guess. I was more worried about their safety.” Marinette went to rest her head on his shoulder but he moved away.

“We’re in public, remember.” Adrien pulled his phone from his pocket. “I have some time. Why don’t we talk in your place?”

She looked up at him. “Just talk?”

“Yep. What else could we do?” He grinned.

“Don’t know. Maybe repeat some of last night,” Marinette whispered, hands itching to touch him. He didn’t seem to have the same problem as her. 

“Why, My Lady, can’t resist me?” 

“Careful with the nicknames.” 

He ran his hand through his hair. “This will take some time to get used to. Let’s go.” His hand rested on her shoulder as he guided her to her house. 

Marinette could feel him tense when they got to the bakery. “It’s ok. They won’t treat you differently.” 

She was wrong. Sabine crushed him in a tight hug letting him know how much she missed their morning talks which, apparently, were in Mandarin. Tom made sure to embarrass his daughter declaring that Adrien could consider himself part of the family even if Marinette had lost her mind while giving her a pointed look. “Tom” Sabine admonished. 

“Thanks, sir. But I’m happy just for being her friend.” 

“If you say so.”

“Ah, Adrien offered to help me study for the physics test that we’ll have on Monday,” Marinette lied.

“Okay...” Tom hesitated looking confused. “Would you like to take something to eat with you so we don’t have to interrupt your studies?” 

“We just ate with Alya and Nino,” she turned to Adrien “Do you want something else?” He shook his head. “Let’s got up, then.”

Marinette closed the door and turned to enter the living room just to be caged between two strong arms and the door. Adrien lifted his hand to touch her cheek looking intensely into her eyes “I’ve been dying to do this from the moment I saw you enter the park.” He leaned down and she stopped breathing when his breath fanned her lips waiting for a few seconds as if giving her a chance to refuse him. 

She was touched by his chivalry but that thought disappeared from her mind as he closed the gap and kissed her with the enthusiasm of someone who found water in the desert.  
When they parted he rested his forehead on hers to regain his breath. “Do we really need to keep this a secret from them?” He whispered full of hope. 

Marinette shifted and he gave room for her to get away. She beckoned him to her room. “For now, yes. Trust me, I want to tell them too. It felt so wrong lying to Alya. I…” She sat on her chaise and buried her face on her hands. She felt Adrien’s hand on her shoulders. 

“Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pressure you. I know you have more important things to deal with right now. That’s why we’re here in the first place. Forget I said anything.” Marinette opened her arms to embrace him and he awkwardly kneeled on the ground between her legs “I’m here for you and always will be.” 

She relaxed as he massaged her scalp feeling safe. “What did I do to deserve you?”

He backed off enough to move her bangs, kissed her forehead and looked at her with the most sincere love shining in his eyes “You were born.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love reading your comments.


End file.
